where all the honey bees are, they’re swarming around this crazy blooming Texas Sage at Casa de blogging out loud:

(clickie)

And, I’m convinced that all the mosquitoes are being eaten by the enormous crop of anole lizards running around.  They eat, they molt, they make babies.  It’s a big, ole party over here:

Yep, things are hopping right along. 

Mmmm.  Salmonella - it’s what’s for dinner.

Two things are infinite:  the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

The bumbling idiots at the Food and Drug Administration couldn’t catch a cold in the Klondike.  We’re now finding out that the salmonella outbreak may not be caused by tainted tomatoes after all, so the FDA has decided to look into other foods which are served with tomatoes - you know, things like lettuce, mushrooms, cheese, green onions, probably croutons and, most certainly, Thousand Island dressing.  Thing is, the FDA won’t bother to tell us which foods they might be concerned with, leaving us to guess at what might be making hundreds of people sick. 

Welp, now we find out the FDA bumbled the so-called investigation from the get-go, focusing too much on trying to find tomatoes which made people sick and ignoring case controls - people who ate tomatoes who did not get sick.  Well, duh.  The FDA now admits that it probably should’ve done that, proving that they’ve been throwing darts at the produce aisle while blindfolded all along.  I guess it’s too much to ask that the government hire some competent people with at least a tiny bit of research experience to investigate the largest food-borne outbreak in American history. 

Now, go enjoy your salad. 

Life is short, little ones.  Too short, in fact, to respond individually to all the mail which winds its way ‘round the net and into my little inbox.  Let’s catch up and see what’s on the minds of my precious, god-fearing, and, no doubt, supple readers.  Time’s a-wastin’!

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It is quite obvious to those of us with half a brain that you either don’t know nor care about the TRUTH in the current election for President.  While George Bush has been a letdown to many conservatives, let’s face it:  he’s been leaps and bounds better than the atrocious Clinton or Jimmy Carter.  If another terrorist event happens in the U.S., I can only hope and pray that the appeaser Barack HUSSEIN Obama will not be running things.  He’ll be flying around the world to meet with dictators to find out “why” we were attacked, instead of bombing the hell out of them.  You are nothing but an Obama-lover and apologist, so I’m probably wasting my time in trying to convince you otherwise.

While I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule to catch up on your hate correspondence, I think it’s time for some friendly advice.  Try Michelle Malkin’s or Free Republic’s websites next time and you’ll feel right at home.  Until you get there, keep on praying for McCain’s health and Cindy’s continued sobriety.  If they make it to the White House, they (and we) will be needing those prayers more than ever.

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Wow, they really will let anybody have a website these days, won’t they?  I really don’t get you.  You say you’re from Texas, you’re gay and you hate Bush?  I just don’t see how any of those things go together.

First off, “they” only “let” people with some knowledge of setting up a website have one.  You don’t qualify, I’m sure.  As far as my geographic location, sexual orientation and political affiliation goes, there are only a couple more like me in Texas.  We meet at Whole Foods Market every Monday, smoke a little in the parking lot, before purchasing large quantities of bulk bulgur wheat to flush our systems of the total dunce-wads in our midst.  It sort of gets us through the week so we can write shit on our websites to piss off people. 

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After reading your bio, I was so sick I almost threw up.  How can being raised Southern Baptist be considered “ritualistic religious abuse”?  I’ve been Southern Baptist my whole life and I consider myself just fine, thank you (and God) very much.  I will pray that the loving hand of Jesus Christ will touch your soul.  Yours in Christ...

Oh, one of those.  You’re obviously going to hell since you thanked me first instead of God.  I think the Bible tells you to do that.  At any rate, I’ve been watching a lot of Joyce Meyer, Paula White and Joel Osteen lately.  Maybe if I switch to their version of religion, I’d be willing to put up with any and all kinds of abuse (mostly bare-bottomed spankings) if I could have a couple of their houses and cars.  I don’t know whatever happened to Mark 10: 21:  “...go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven...” I guess that only applies to priests and monks. 

Anyway, I don’t need any more touching from the church.  I had enough of that as a pre-teen. 

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You were incredibly rude to Ramiele on American Idol.  Just because she has a Filipino heritage does not give you the right to haul out every stereotype in the book to smear her.  People have no control over their birthright (WTF? -ed.) and then to make fun of her physical appearance is just sad.  You’re nothing but a mean bitter old queen.

First off, it’s mean COMMA bitter COMMA middle-aged queen, thank you very much.  Now that grammar class if over, you sound like a morbidly obese, possibly untreated diabetic with occasional delusional episodes and, most likely, a cameltoe that’s never been cleaned, much less penetrated.  I sincerely hope I’m reincarnated as a non-food item (such as a washcloth) so I never have to see you again.  Furthermore, stereotypes are fun!  See how I’m doubled over with laughter? 

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And so it goes.  Until next time…

I have written nothing - NOTHING! - regarding Sen. Obama’s cave-in on the FISA bill, giving the big telecoms immunity for previous crimes which may or may not have been committed, all in the name of cooperating with the war on terror.  Many, many progressive bloggers are mega-pissed, and rightly so.  So am I, as this bill effectively nullifies the 4th amendment of the Constitution.  But, while the current bill gives immunity for civil lawsuits, there’s a big loophole.  Olbermann explains: 

I fully expect some amendments from Republicans when they return from their vacation.  Good luck with everything, Congress. 

• For years, I never believed anyone who said the Iraq war was about oil.  How naive I was back then.  But, now that the clock is winding down on Bush and Co., the other shoe has dropped. It’s like a wet dream for Bush, Cheney and the big oil companies.  And, just in case you did not think the White House had anything to do with this (and why would you not, I ask), here’s a few little details. 

• If you don’t read “Rolling Stone,” it’s worth the online price (umm, free) for Matt Taibbi’s columns alone.  Today’s victim:  John “Full Metal” McCain. 

• Elsewhere in old geezer land, McCain met with Billy Graham, who is probably wondering who in the hell the Frankenstein-looking flip-flopper actually is.  Billy’s fear-mongering son Franklin was on hand to offer prayers for McCain so that the senator will have the God-given strength to use weapons of mass destruction against our enemies.  Because that’s what Christ would do.

• Look!  Over there! It’s the real war.  Oh, never mind. 

• Joe Lieberman:  terror prognosticator.  Will it ever end?

I don’t think it will end, but, for now, I will. 

There have been a few major fuck-ups in the news recently - not all of them involving John McCain.  Let’s read! 

• Florida Gov. Charlie Crist invited the Arnold to the state to talk about climate change.  Arnold heaped some praise on Crist for his work on that, then ripped him a new one for his support of offshore drilling.  Says the Terminator:  “Anyone who tells you this will lower our gas prices anytime soon is blowing smoke.” Or, in Crist’s case, just blowing McCain.  By the way, if McCain chooses Crist as a running mate, they’ve got a serious problemo with vetting, as Crist was roomies with Mark Foley back in the day.  Hmmmm. 

• Oops.  John McCain has missed more votes than any other Senator, including S.D. Sen. Tim Johnson who was recovering from a brain hemorrhage.  Nice trick. 

• A woman suffering from low self-esteem or low blood sugar (or a combination) walked into a Wonder Bread and Hostess Outlet store, brandished a gun and gave the po-po the slip before they showed up.  After waiting for a few hours, the SWAT team entered the store only to find it empty.  She must have downed a couple packages of Twinkies to get her strength and courage back. 

• Another woman was captured by cameras speeding 22 times in a month-and-a-half.  She was probably chasing after…

• ...this man, who was released from jail and was found walking on the side of the road naked.  Police said the man “appeared rational” except for the nakedness part.  He was promptly arrested for public indecency.

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Cuteness video of the week:  white tiger cub triplets!  Awww. 

1… I find it double hilarious that the city of San Francisco wants to rename one of its largest sewage treatment plants in honor of Dubya.  In all fairness, the organizers of the renaming project say the name change is in honor of the excellent work done by the treatment plant, much like the fabulous job done by George in foreign relations, the environment and the economy.  That sort of efficiency has a price:  you get shit named after you.

2… John McCain thinks sanctions against Zimbabwe will hasten the fall of Mugabe.  Let’s see:  we’re talking about a country with massive food shortages and an inflation rate pegged at 165,000 percent by the government, although real-world numbers say the actual number is closer to 2,000,000 percent (most organizations have given up trying to keep track).  Not only that, but the average life expectancy is 37 years for men, 34 for women and over a quarter of the children are orphans.  So, please tell me why Robert Mugabe gives a shit about some stupid sanctions? 

3… If the phone rings at 3 a.m. on a Saturday or Sunday, it looks like McCain won’t answer it.  You thought George was a lazy ass. 

4… I got around to watching the same-sex parenting episode of “30 Days” on the VCR DVR last night and wanted to spew burrito chunks at all the uncorrected bullshit coming out of that poor Mormon woman’s mouth.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, the show got some repressed homo (with super-scary hair) to inform us that gay folk suffer from higher rates of mental illness (!), substance abuse, child sexual abuse and probably murder, torture and perverse sexual practices involving baseball bats - which flew by without nary a real fact thrown in for good measure.  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. 

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Enough of that serious shit.  Ladies and guys, I bring you the perfect candidate (via):